Sparring... with girls!

26th March 2009

This morning I nearly got uppercut by a Dutch lady (who got a bit excitable hitting me!) and took a 'straight right' to my head. All this was before breakfast.

Sparring is weird - I have to say that it was difficult for a number of reasons. Firstly not being a naturally violent person the concept of just hitting someone because 'they are there' takes a bit of getting used to. Usually an aggressive situation involves a wronged party getting a bit tetchy and then desiring to damage the other. Fairly straightforward? Boxing is different so I suppose I'm begining to understand why boxer's go through the whole 'Ya mama's sooo fat' routine in the build up to a fight - you probably have to cultivate an emotional reason for wanting to put your fist inside your opponents head?

Anyway, psychological analysis aside, sparring is double strange when you're fighting a girl! I'm naturally programmed not to go around punching the 'fairer' sex (I use 'fairer' broadly - having met some damn scary women) so hitting Mika was a bit difficult, as well as the fact I was a bit crap too. Either way one of us had no such qualms so I just blocked (oops - I nearly wrote 'like a girl'!) and adopted the punchbag stance. The following short sparring session involved Gill doing much the same to me and I learn't that I'm a little bit too hesitant. Again this, on reflection, could be a combination of inexperience and a lack of desire to hurt strangers... yes, this issue has to be rapidly solved if I am to progress.

So, after some contemplation I have decided on setting myself some personal rules when it comes to sparring and finally the actual fight.

1) When sparring pretend that the other person is not a person at all but something to be destroyed as calmly and efficiently as possible - like a chocolate bourbon biscuit - you can take big bites, little nibbles, bite it in half and scrape the chocolate off with you teeth, whatever! Ultimately it is consumed - this is how I shall treat my opponents.

2) I have ammended my personal rules regarding hitting girls. A girl wearing boxing gloves and trying to punch me in the face is now officially 'fair game' - after all it's the age of sexual equality and I assume I'd only be causing insult by treating her any differently based purely on out-moded gender bias - I might not get as hurt as much as well!

3) To finally prepare for the actual fight night I am to embark on a journey of self discovery. Many people look for their spiritual self or a greater understanding of their purpose in life. For myself I intend on discovering and tapping into my inner sociopath until, on the night of the white collar boxing event, for three, two minute rounds, I will totally, with every muscle, sinew and drop of vitriol I have fully crush that bloody bourbon biscuit!